i’m so sick of wondering about you and i’m especially sick of wishing things could have lasted
i wish i saw all of it coming so i could’ve bailed before any of it even happened
i hate that i am constantly bracing myself because of you and i hate that i’m just an idiot who is doing something probably terribly destructive to one of my most important friendships in an effort to forget and move on
like honestly fuck you for tricking me into thinking i had something good when it was all just bullshit and trying to be “friends” and fucking everything up and for not knowing what i was talking about when i saved that turtle and forced myself one last time to not be so fearful and make a last-ditch effort to get back to normal and happy.
i have to see you so soon and so often afterwards but i don’t want to look at you because it makes me fucking disgusted with myself.
everything you say ruins my day and i hate how pathetic that makes me.